Interstellar (2014)


This movie is perfect nihilism, and perfect trash. It says nothing and is about everything. It toys with your belief in the greater good, and programs you with its own flawed method of exploring the unknown through suspension of disbelief. It takes you to every place every movie of its type has ever taken you before, then goes one step further, until you cannot tell who and where this character is whose journey you are supposed to care about. Then it smothers you with cheesy emotion and the dumbest resolution in film history while making you feel like it is right. It is a rehash of popular ideas, a retelling of the major themes trending in society, but you can’t even argue against it because you just sat there and took it all in like a true believer. Not us though.

What it does well is make it hard for you to tell whether or not it thinks modern science and astronomy is bullshit. Its descriptions are accurate, probably to a fault, but its conclusion (of the narrative) will make any student of the sciences puke at its sheer stupidity. It is a grown up version of Inception meets The Dark Knight Rises, but much of it plays on your innate naivety, while itself being completely hopeless. “We will be angels from another dimension” (5th, if you were taking notes, but when we get there we will swiftly make a u-turn). It is in love with the idea of “saving” humanity by self-sacrifice but has zero (0) percent (%) of the courage needed to take this idea on because it’s a mega blockbuster. Quelle surprise.

“I want to save humanity, but I’d rather just settle down with Anne Hathaway.” That’s it. If it sounds sarcastic, it’s not, it’s the whole deal. In Dark Knight Rises it read more like, “I will save the world before I get the girl (and Anne Hathaway is the perfect muse, because she is very cute).” In other words, Christopher Nolan sold out years ago. As for deep space travel, we are given an astrophysics lesson for dummies, while we are told to be patient with our deep space exploration because we don’t have all the data yet. But then, because it’s a Christopher Nolan joint, it gives you that unbecoming schmaltz you should be glad you cannot detect if you are lost in the details of the plot (which of course is completely retarded).

Semi-spoiler: a dude tries to save the world from the room of a girl (“Murph”, LMAO) by manipulating light (angel!), then Interstellar goes Benjamin Button when an unaged father meets up with his older offspring after time travel, the new guide to his future reality. All this movie really wants to say is “stay” (don’t suicide into a black hole for them), and its only achievement, if we are being kind, is as a good luck message for Mars One.

We intermittently interrupted the showing we were at with laughter, not because we are jerks, but because the self-importance of this movie did not die at any point between the first and last scenes, while the awesome people around us looked at us with skew eyes because they were taking all of it in, learning a lot I hope. Happy trails to them, but if you take this movie seriously, what should unsettle you is its ability to push your emotional buttons with the finely tuned splicing of images and cues of music while its filmmakers rake in the dollars and bed good looking actresses, models, script-girls and socialites.

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