Programmers might get upset if you suggest to them that their job function has been reduced to implementing Dijkstra’s algorithm. “Not really, because I perform a whole range of roles and functions as a Software Engineer with a blossoming career that is intellectually stimulating, satisfying, with a squeaky clean track record.” Stop throwing words at us. You go in every day wondering “what if” because essentially you’re still ruled by someone else’s brainchild. To wit, Fowler et al., and for the way you code, Dijkstra.

“So what?” you ask. They were both great. But you wish you were that efficient, like that Korean immigrant who beat you at everything to do with mathematics. Immigrant. There’s a trending word to learn when you fully realize the sum of what your intellectual stimulation means. He took your job because he’s better than you, not because [insert_excuse]. And his friends took the blue collar jobs because they had no choice, while your friends are kind of fat, lazy, and stupid. Guess who’s to blame. You probably.

As they port their population density mission to Korea Town Ghetto, government will subsidize their families with your mother’s hard earned money, then she’ll finally be forced to kick you out of her basement. “Oh, it’s not like that because the president said X the other day.” You could grow a brain and check the larger trends, instead of just reacting to the news.

This is the tip of the iceberg. You’re gonna get really mad when you find out that sans marketing, you will be made to feel blue collar too, because you must find a way to keep pushing the margins for the business that is your personal net worth. All this marketing will make you feel like a glorified salesman. Who wins what? Go then, back to squeezing someone else’s lemons.

We would crash your servers and hack your life, then send you daily mailbombs to remind you of its meaning, and what you’re wasting with the thoughtless daily grind.

STUPID LAZY OBESE

would be the catchy subject line.

Personal net worth really means social net worth, because getting rich is only part of the puzzle, and easier by comparison. You must find an ever changing crowd to impress because hipsters took over your subculture, now Zuckerberg and Jobs are your replacement heroes. Guess who’s to blame. You probably, because you sat by and let them.

Okay then, go back to Dijkstra. Apart from breaking problems into more manageable components, the goal of algorithmics is to train your brain to automatically sort those permutations in your head before you write a lick of code. Sound cool yet? Try this: you’re unlocking the pathways to the pearly gates of the matrix, and eventually you will _be_ the code. The base for all this is the shortest route algorithm. Promise. But they (the tech “elite”) want to see how much of it you can do in your head. They trained you to be a robot, bro.

Not all nerds are basement dwellers, and perhaps the majority are the contrary. Most of you are now white collar middle management material. You can guess what we think of nerd culture, but nerd-dom is not just zoning out and building beautiful looking, robust, highly maintainable modules that no one will care about in ten years or less. Or is it? This would be better than LAN parties and Star Trek conventions, but that doesn’t seem like much consolation. Why don’t you climb those ladders to financial freedom so you can receive brilliant sex from harems of office job whores, leaving us behind to deal with history, meaning, future and identity? Maybe you are better off doing coke from their backsides on business trips in Dubai. Why care about spirit, anyway?